hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
