your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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