capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
