What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize