hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
