My cat gives me a boner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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