It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
