these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
