It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
