Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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