Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
