well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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