i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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