you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
