Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
