she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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