Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ladies don't puke and tell
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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