i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
