And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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