Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
