My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
