What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
