Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
