my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
