There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
