Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
