Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
