I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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