Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Green mimosas i think yes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
