I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
