You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
