Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
