Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
