I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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