I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
