dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
