So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
