They should really pass out barf bags in church
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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