dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
