My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
