I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
