Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
