I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
