Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
