What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
