She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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