Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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