just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize