hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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