i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
