I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
