i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
