WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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