I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
