I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
