meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
