And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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