i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
