That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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