i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A bitchslap is in order.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
