Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
