she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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