What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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