So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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