I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
