I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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