I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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