He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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