Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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