i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
