xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
