Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
