Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
