Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
