Yo dont text me then not text me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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