i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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