she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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