i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
