so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
