My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
