I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize