i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
