Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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