Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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