So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
