AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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