Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
