i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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