I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
