for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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