...so i touched it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
