She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
