I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize