i barfeds in our rink
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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