I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everything about him screamed your future.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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