omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
