She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
